


still counting stars

by coffeewordangel



Series: tumblr drabbles [15]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Marriage, Relationship Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-07 19:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19475371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeewordangel/pseuds/coffeewordangel
Summary: Anon prompt on tumblr for Ellie Goulding's SixteenZayn just wants things the way they used to be.





	still counting stars

The flat is dark and devoid of life when Zayn gets home from the gallery. He sighs heavily and drops his keys in the ceramic bowl next to the door. He kicks his shoes off and heads for the kitchen, weary down to his bones. 

Zayn checks his phone for the first time in hours and sure enough there's a message from Liam. He knows what it will say before he even opens it. "Recording session ran late, home after midnight :/"

This isn't unusual. If Zayn didn't know better he would suspect an affair, but he knows with bedrock certainty that Liam wouldn't do that to him. They're just both so busy these days. He feels like he sees his husband in passing, more roommates than partners. 

If his 16 year old self, who couldn't go more than a few hours without talking to Liam, could see him now, he would be appalled. It's been 12 years together now and somehow they went from unable to keep their hands off each other to Zayn being unable to remember the last time they had sex. 

It feels like their relationship is slowly slipping away from them, drifting away by degrees every day. Looking back he knows how they got here. He just doesn't know what to do about it. 

Uni was them against the world, proving everyone who told them they married too young wrong. Their flat was tiny and they owned nothing new and survived on pot noodle most of the time, but they loved deeply and fiercely like they had something to prove. 

After graduation they've gone from strength to strength in their careers, but their increased responsibilities have taken a toll on their time together. Between running the gallery and his own art, Zayn some days barely has time to sleep and he knows Liam's the same with his recording studio. Forget sex, Zayn is hard pressed to remember the last time they took a meal together. 

He idly twists his wedding ring as he waits for his leftovers to heat. How can he be married to someone and live with them and miss them so much? How do they fix this?

Zayn eats his food standing up in the kitchen, afraid if he sits he won't be able to get back up again. He's knackered. He almost always is these days.

His evening routine is performed by muscle memory and Zayn is half asleep by the time he peels off his clothes and crawls into bed. At some point Liam comes to join him and Zayn half wakes at the shift in the mattress and press of lips to his forehead but falls back into sleep immediately. 

In the morning Zayn wakes to an empty bed, sheets cool and lonely. He stares up at the ceiling and blinks back tears. Missing Liam sits like a weight in his chest, aching and raw.

When he finally heads to the kitchen there's an unopened box of tea with a sticky note on it. "Noticed we were out! Have a good day! Love you!" Zayn stares at the note and tries to keep from crying. 

It's little things like this that make him know for sure that a lack of love isn't the problem here. Liam doesn't even drink this brand of tea, but he noticed they were out anyway. He's still thinking of Zayn, he just never sees him. 

Zayn spends most of the day thinking on it. They've both put so much of themselves into their respective businesses, made them successful. They have money and no time to spend it. Zayn misses being broke and happy. 

Louis shows up around lunchtime with sandwiches from the deli down the street. He rambles on about his latest show, sitting on the counter, heels repetitively hitting the cupboards. 

"And then she called him an obstinate fucker and stormed out." Louis trails off and gives Zayn a scrutinizing look. "Oi, what's wrong with you today?"

Zayn takes a sip of his drink and tries to figure out how to sum up what he's been feeling. Eventually he just shrugs and looks down. "I miss my husband." 

"Why? Is Liam out of town?" 

"No," Zayn says quietly. "I just realized how little we see each other. He's up and gone before I wake up and comes home after I'm in bed. Or he's in bed before I get home." 

Louis snorts. "Why are you acting like this isn't something you're in control of? Neither of you work for other people, you own your own businesses, just make time."

"How?" Zayn asks, gesturing at the entirety of the gallery to signify how much work there is to be done daily. 

Louis rolls his eyes. "Hire an art student part time or something," he says somewhat derisively. "This isn't rocket science. You don't have to be here open to close every day. You're doing well enough to hire a couple part time employees at least. You already pay me to run things when you're doing your own art."

Zayn feels a bit stupid. Louis is correct, of course. He's been focused on making it successful and reducing expenditure for so long that now that it is successful he hasn't thought of hiring extra help. 

"Okay," he says slowly. "But what about Liam?"

"Liam worships you," Louis says with a laugh. "If you told him he could only work every other day until noon he would figure out a way to make it happen." Louis gives him a sly look. "When was the last time you two fucked?"

"That is none of your business," Zayn says primly. He slumps a little under Louis' knowing gaze and admits, "Way too fucking long."

Louis hops off the counter and dusts the crumbs off of himself. "Alright," he says firmly. "I will finish up for the day. You go and plan some kind of surprise for your husband and tell him to have his flat arse home for tea."

Zayn frowns. "Stop disparaging my husband's arse. It is not flat."

Louis makes an 'if you say so' face and takes the rest of Zayn's sandwich out of his hands. "Get out of here. I'll finish that for you."

There's no use arguing with Louis when he gets bossy like this so Zayn goes to gather up his things. He has to admit it's a good idea. Anticipation flutters a little in his stomach and he tamps down on it. No point getting ahead of himself. Liam might not be able to leave early, after all. 

"Thank you," he murmurs as he hugs Louis.

"Yeah, yeah," Louis dismisses, hugging him and then gently pushing him toward the door. "I'll take good care of your baby. Go get laid." 

Zayn laughs for the first time in what feels like forever and heads out. He decides to cook since he has time. He can't remember the last time he did that either. The grocer's is on the way home and he formulates a menu in his head as he walks. 

On the way he texts Liam since this whole plan hinges on his presence. "Can you be home by 7? I'm cooking."

Zayn is halfway through shopping, getting more nervous by the minute, when he finally gets a response: "Yes," is all it says. 

He frowns at the stark message and puts his phone in his pocket when it vibrates again. He pulls it out to find a block of heart emojis filling the screen. Okay, that's more like his nerd of a husband, he thinks, biting his lip so he doesn't laugh out loud. 

Everything seems brighter as he heads home, sunny and light to match his mood. He sings as he putters around the kitchen, chopping and frying and baking all of Liam's favorites. 

Half an hour before Liam gets home, Zayn carries everything up to the roof of their building. There's a little communal garden up there, which was a big selling point when they were deciding where to live, but he can't remember the last time they were up here. 

The sun is low in the sky but it won't set for another hour and a half or so. There's a slight chill in the air, but not uncomfortable. He spreads the blanket and sets everything up. 

Right at seven Liam texts, "where are you?"

"On the roof," Zayn sends back.

Butterflies flutter up a storm in his stomach. He doesn't think he was this nervous for their first date, even. But everything hinges on how Liam responds tonight. They can't keep on like this.

Moments later the door to the roof opens and Liam steps through, still in the trousers and tshirt he tends to favor for his work wardrobe. The setting sun makes him look golden, highlighting his face. Zayn drinks in the sight of him for a long moment, starved for it. 

"Come over here, Leeyum," he calls. 

Liam smiles boyishly as he sits down opposite Zayn. "What's all this, then? Did I miss an anniversary?"

Zayn laughs. "No. You know you're better with keeping track of dates than I am. You would know." He considers bringing it up now but it can wait. "Would you like some wine?"

"Please," Liam replies. He still seems confused but settles in, filling up a plate for him and one for Zayn, skipping the two items Liam loves but Zayn isn't fond of. 

It warms Zayn all the way through when Liam does little things to show he's paid attention, that he knows Zayn in ways no one else does. Over their meal they chat about their day, tell each other funny things that have happened at work. It should always be like this, Zayn thinks. 

Once they've finished eating and are on their second glass of wine, Zayn thinks it's time. The sun is almost set and it's gotten colder. He moves everything out of the way and scoots over to snuggle against Liam's side.

"We should talk," he says softly.

Liam stiffens against him. "What about?"

Zayn looks up at him and meets his eyes. "Us," he says sadly. "We're not working, Leeyum. We've been neglecting our relationship."

Liam looks stricken but not surprised. "Are you leaving me?" he asks, voice cracking. 

Zayn shakes his head. "No," he says firmly. "But we can't go on as we are."

A relieved sigh escapes Liam's lips and he slumps against Zayn. "Okay," he says weakly. "You're right. I know you're right. Things haven't been good for a while and I've been ignoring it."

"Me too," Zayn says gently, sliding his hand into Liam's and squeezing. "This isn't just on you, it's both of us." He stares at Liam for a moment. "I miss my husband," he finally says in a small, sad voice. 

Liam's eyes squeeze shut and he tips his forehead to rest against Zayn's. "Fuck," he whispers. "Me too. I'm so sorry."

Zayn brushes his lips against Liam's. "You don't need to be sorry. We didn't do it on purpose, we just let life get in the way until we couldn't see each other anymore for it."

"You have a plan, don't you?" Liam asks, opening his eyes. "You wouldn't do this if you didn't have a solution."

"Technically Louis has a plan," Zayn says with a small chuckle. 

Liam rolls his eyes. "Of course he does. I just wish he weren't right so much of the time. It's annoying." 

Zayn pokes him in the side. "This time it's going to save our marriage, so be grateful." He smiles fondly at Liam. "We should have thought of it ourselves, honestly. It's not complicated. I'm going to hire someone to help out at the gallery so I'm not there all the time. I'll still fall down a rabbit hole when I'm creating, but most of the time I'll be home at a reasonable hour. I'll even take days off."

Liam smiles back at him. "I used to love watching you paint. I haven't done that in ages."

"You're welcome to any time," Zayn says softly. "I would like you to." He pauses for a long moment, nervous again. "So, that's what I'm doing to commit to working on our relationship. What are you going to do?"

"I have staff," Liam says solemnly. "I can put some of the workload on them. I'll probably still have to stay late sometimes when a session runs over, but I can be stricter about leaving on time."

"We both have to have one day off a week," Zayn says firmly. "And four nights home in time to eat together."

Liam cups Zayn's face in his hands and kisses him gently. "I can do all of that. I want to do all of that." He smiles when Zayn's hands come up to cover his. "I think we both deserve a holiday together if we can manage it."

Zayn moans slightly. "A holiday. I can't even remember what that's like."

Liam laughs. "Well for our last one we didn't see much outside of the hotel bed." 

"Oh right." Zayn laughs and tilts his head. "I wouldn't mind a repeat of that."

Liam waggles his eyebrows suggestively, looking ridiculous. "Yeah? You want to spend exorbitant amounts for a room in a foreign country only to never leave it?"

Zayn laughs, loud and bright. He feels loads lighter than he did before. "Yes I really do," he says, wrapping his arms around Liam's neck. "And I think in a bit we should go back to our flat so you can remind me why that's a good idea." 

"Why in a bit? Why not now?" 

Zayn smiles indulgently and points up at the mostly clear sky dotted with visible stars. "Because right now I want you to hold me and look at the stars with me for a while."

Liam chuckles and lifts Zayn into his lap, wrapping his arms around him. He kisses Zayn's cheek and settles his chin on Zayn's shoulder. "Remember how we used to do this in Uni? We'd sneak up to the roof of the art building and stargaze."

Zayn laughs. "Remember how we almost got caught by security? Had to hide in a broom cupboard."

"Hiding isn't all we did in that cupboard," Liam points out with a grin. "Had to cover your mouth with me palm."

"That was fun, yeah," Zayn says with a fond smile, snuggling back more firmly against Liam's chest. "Remember after we first dating, before you moved in with us, and we watched that meteor shower together over the phone? You kept complaining that I had a better view in Bradford."

"I think I complained that the view in Bradford was better, yes," Liam says softly. "But I wasn't talking about the meteor shower."

Zayn looks at him with surprise. "Oh, you meant me."

Liam squeezes him. "All I wanted was to see you every day for the rest of my life. Even back then."

"Oh," Zayn says softly. He turns in Liam's arms to kiss him, slow and sweet. "I felt the same way. Still do," he murmurs when he pulls away.

Liam looks at him with aching tenderness. "Me too," he agrees. "I won't let things get so crazy we don't have time for each other again."

Zayn nods. "Me neither." He gives Liam a mischievous smile to lighten the mood. "I think I've gotten my fill of stars. You should take me downstairs now."

"I love you," Liam says with a laugh, palms cradling Zayn's hips. 

"I love you too, babe," Zayn replies, eyes sparkling. "But I'm serious. Downstairs. Now."

Liam makes a reluctant sound of protest. "But the dishes and the blanket?"

"Get them after your run in the morning," Zayn suggests. "No one will be up here before then."

"This is why you're the brains of this operation," Liam teases, standing up and taking Zayn with him. 

Zayn happily wraps his legs around Liam's waist. He's not naive enough to think they won't ever have problems again, but he's certain they love each other enough, are committed to each other enough, to work through them. As long as they remember that they'll be fine.

Zayn smirks and turns his head to whisper in Liam's ear. "Go faster."

  
  
  
  



End file.
